Holidays are great, everyone loves a holiday right? Or do they? Are there some unfortunate souls in the world for whom a holiday is really not that much fun at all? People who aren’t able to spend their holidays relaxing on the beach or visiting interesting places? People for whom going on holiday is really just a case of same s***, different location? There are indeed people like that and those people are of course, parents. Let’s have a look at the reasons why holidays with kids really don’t meet the definition of the word “holiday” at all.
The Journey will be hell
Weather you are travelling by plane, train or automobile, the journey will involve being trapped in a small space with your children for an amount of time that will seem never to end. You will all start off excited. Then the boredom will kick in. “Are we nearly there yet” will be shouted every 3 minutes. You will be forced to put on nursery rhymes or play I spy to try and distract them. Then, 5 minutes from the destination, they will be sick.
You will get even less sleep than usual
Pre children your holiday probably involved late nights, along with equally late mornings. With kids in tow, you’ll still be having the late nights, but they’ll be paired with ludicrously early mornings. When on holiday kids are excited. Your chance of getting them into bed early enough for you to enjoy the evening, is practically zero. Courtesy of that same excitement, they will be up and ready to start the day at the arse crack of dawn. You will not be, but will have to anyway.
Meal times will not be fun
In case you haven’t noticed, children are fussy about food. Weather you are staying in a hotel or doing the self catering thing, food will be different to normal and, as far as kids are concerned, difference is bad. Pre children you may have enjoyed lazy evening meals. These days you’ll be spending mealtimes trying to convince your child that the fish finger that is “the wrong colour” will taste just the same as the ones at home. Children have even been known to complain that the water on holiday “tastes funny” (that child may or may not have been me).
You will be on high alert all the time
When you’re at home, you’ve worked out all of the ways your little cherub can cause trouble, and found ways of dealing with them. On holiday, they have a whole host of new dangers to explore. Instead of relaxing on the beach, you will be begging your child to stop eating the sand. Instead of relaxing in the pool, you will be trying to stop your child removing their armbands and drowning themselves. Instead of relaxing in your accommodation, you’ll me making sure your child doesn’t cause any permanent damage to the place. Basically, you’ll only be relaxed for the approximately 10 minutes between them finally going to sleep and you passing out, exhausted.
You have to keep them entertained
At home, you probably have some go to ways to keep your children (and yourself) from climbing the walls. On holiday, you have only the toys you managed to fit in the suitcase and your own wits to keep them entertained. They will likely demand to be taken swimming EVERYDAY. That will at least take up several hours because getting clothes back on a damp child is akin to completing the crystal maze. After that, you will check out the other wonderful things your holiday location has to offer. Your child will declare them all “Boring” and only be satisfied when they have bankrupted you in the arcades.
At the end of the holiday, you will most certainly need another holiday to recover. Preferably one without the kids. What you will actually get though is a shit load of washing and overtired, grumpy children. Happy holidays!
This post was written as part of “Write Club”, check out these other hilarious bloggers who have written their own posts on the topic of holidays with kids.