There’s no denying that Motherhood is full on. Sometimes, we need a break. A bit of time away to relax and return a better person and parent. Unfortunately, these times away from our children don’t always quite live up to the fantasy in our heads. Here are six things that happen we we go away without our children.
Your preparation will take significantly longer than the time you’ll actually be away
In the run up to your escape you’ll spend your time washing clothes, packing bags, writing instructions, cooking meals for the freezer and generally ensuring the world won’t fall apart in your absence.
There will be training sessions on how to use the washing machine (which will be ignored), explanations of who needs to be where, when and on what day and clear instructions on which child will only sleep with an eye mask and bed socks and which child requires a fan to sleep even in the dead of winter.
And despite all of that, there will still be questions
Once you are gone, the questions will begin. “What time does Johnny have to be at gymnastics?” “Which day does Suzanne have hockey practice?” “Which child is it that doesn’t eat fish fingers?” “What was it you said about emptying pockets before you put things in the washing machine?”
Then there are the questions the kids themselves generate. “Suzanne says she’s allowed to stay at up until 9 o’Clock on week days, is that true?” “Johnny says he’s allowed to watch the Walking Dead, but I thought I’d better check with you first” “They both say that breakfast on Saturday is ice cream but I wasn’t sure what flavour to give them?”
There will be tears
Despite the fact that your children ignore most of what you say and would usually choose to spend time with Daddy/Granny/Aunty/the milkman over you, when you actually try to leave, you will suddenly become the source of all joy in their lives. They will manage to cry real tears, beg you not to abandon them and have to be pried off your ankle before you can leave the house.
You will miss them
For the first minute/hour/day/week/month (depending on how irritating your children are) you will be filled with the joy of freedom, revel in the silence and rejoice that you can pee alone. Then, at some point, you will start to miss them. You’ll send a quick text home to check they have stopped crying. You’ll find yourself talking about them to your companions/the staff/random strangers. And before you know it you’ll be poring over pictures of them on your phone and counting the hours until you see them again.
You’ll be glad to be home…
When you return, your sweet, sweet children will run into your arms and hug you with all their might. It will be like a scene from a movie and you’ll promise to never leave them again.
…but not for long
Within 30 minutes of your return, when your child is 29 minutes into telling you every single thing they built on Minecraft in your absence, and you have seen the devastation wrought on your home while you were gone, you will begin mentally planning for the next, much longer, get away.
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