Toys. We have soooo many. I don’t even know why because we really only buy our kids one birthday present and one Christmas present. Yet, we have an overflowing play room and two bedrooms full of stuff. Not to mention the things I’ve hidden in the loft in the hope the children will forget about them so that I can sneak them out while they sleep. Here are my 6 least favourite toys. I am of course hoping friends and family read this and take the hint (Lego and art supplies are welcome alternatives!)
1. Noisy Toys
Let’s start with the obvious, no parent likes noisy toys. It starts innocently enough. A pretty mobile that hangs over baby’s cot and plays a lullaby, quite soothing. Next come the teddy’s that sing nursery rhymes, not so bad. Before you know it though, someone has bought your child a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle that sounds like something out of the walking dead and has no off switch. When I worked in the library I used relocate noisy children’s books to other libraries. That turtle was obviously karma.
2. Books based on TV Show.
Now I love books, we read lots and usually I am very happy when new books arrive in the house. Books based on TV shows are the exception though. For some reason, when you turn an episode of a TV show into a book, it manages to be 10 times worse than the TV show. Plus it’s very hard to tune something out when you’re reading it in the same way you can with the TV. Particularly bad ones include Paw Patrol and Dora the Bloody Explorer.
3. Kits to make things/do experiments
Before we started receiving these I thought they’d be great fun. Why is it then that I have literally 20 unopened in the spare room? It’s because Boy Child “Knows Best”. When we sit down to do one, he refuses to have anything to do with the instructions and just makes it up as he goes along. This ends with either a) me insisting he does what the instructions say and him storming off or b) me letting him do his own thing, it going wrong and him storming off. I have hopes that this might improve with age but for now they will be staying unopened.
4. Anything with small pieces
While I don’t hoover that often, we have still lost half a Playmobil town up the hoover. Not to mention the bits that have simply ended up separated from the set never to be seen again. It seems like every toy they buy comes with some kind of weapon. I reckon if I gathered up all of the tiny guns my children’s toys have come with over the years I’d have a mini armoury to rival the NRA.
5. Anything BIG
I’m looking at you here Mother in Law. Despite Girl Child having no interest in dolls, Nanny and Grandad turned up one day with a giant Barbie house. Worse still, Girl Child bloody loves it. Obviously she doesn’t put barbies in it, but she considers it an excellent base for ninja turtles, a garage for cars and occasionally a hospital for teddies.
6. Anything Collectible
My house is currently full of Match Attax cards. They are everywhere. I even have to bring them on the school run so Boy Child can trade on the way home. Before that, it was Pokemon Cards. Girl Child’s thing is currently Superzings. Every time she comes back from my Mum’s she has another one. There no denying my kids love collectibles. The trouble is they love them for about a month, then it’s on to the next thing, leaving me with yet more stuff.
As research for this post, I Googled “Worst children’s toys”, this is not something I would advise. Not unless you want to be greeted by products such as “You Can shave the Baby” or “Poopy-Time Fun Shapes“. Yes, they are both exactly what they sound like, you have been warned. If you fancy reading some more of my ramblings, check out these funny parenting posts.
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